Computer problems

This morning a guy from the electric company was in the building and he informed me that he had to turn down the power for a couple of minutes. So while I was waiting if he needed anything else (which took about an hour) I didn’t turn on my computer. This was a somewhat weird experience. I’m just very used to my computer always running while I’m at home. I read a book instead and enjoyed a long drawn out breakfast which was also nice even though I was feeling a certain amount of stress because I hadn’t checked my email.

I think I’m somewhat addicted to my computer. Not heavily addicted since I am very well able to function without one when I’m on holidays but still a little addicted. But, breaking an addiction is hard or even impossible if there is nothing to take the place of the addiction. I can force myself not to turn on the computer when I come home in the evening but unless I find something else to do with the time this won’t work for long. I think that’s the same with lots of addictions.

I’ll have to brainstorm on alternatives to sitting in front of my computer, watching TV series and playing games.

Overcoming ennui

I’m feeling ennui. Maybe it’s the weather, maybe I just need some rest and relaxation but probably it’s my minds way of telling me that something is not right. I am just not doing what I want to be doing. That means I should change something. Most texts I’ve read on this topic tell me I should set goals that are my own and follow them and basically just do what I want to do. This sounds very straight forward but the bitter truth is, it isn’t. I just don’t know what I want to do. Or maybe I’m not yet at a point where I can realize what I really want. Realizing your dreams is a fine concept but what if you’re not sleeping well enough to dream?

So, my current hypothesis is that if you know that something is wrong you should change something. And if that does not work you should just change anything. Changing things has two big advantages: 1. Things might get better and 2. You get comfortable with change which makes breaking out of an undesirable status quo more easy.

So, I’ll try this idea by implementing changes. I’m probably overburdening myself but I’ll try three lifestyle changes:

1. No more coffee except on weekends
2. Eat at least 3 meals per day but don’t eat till I’m overfull (maybe this will allow me to gain a few pounds)
3. Reduce number of a-movie-and-a-beer evenings

And three personal changes:

1. Make one quick decision every day
2. Tell one person what I’m thinking without considering the consequences once every day
3. Talk to someone I would normally not talk to once every day

Maybe this will get me somewhere more fun

Back from Sicily

Saturday I came back from the summer school in Sicily (my luggage arrived four days later). It has been a real nice experience. The accommodations were really nice and classy, the weather was perfect (hot but always combined with a nice breeze) and the scientific part was really excellent. The most enjoyable part however, were the other PhD students. I was afraid that I might run into a group of highly competitive people that are just motivated, intelligent and hard working than I am and I end up feeling like a looser for the whole week. Turns out that I was the one who was overly prepared. Some of them were really motivated and intelligent but an even bigger part was really relaxed and came there to learn and have fun and not to impress other people. This allowed for some nice discussions over Mojitos poolside and some games of beach volleyball on the sandy beaches of Sicily.

Preemptive adaptation is a sin. I was overly prepared and almost messed up this nice experience by adjusting myself to the group I was expecting to meet. By editing your own behaviour to fit the crowd you’re expecting you not just bend yourself in an uncomfortable shape but you also rob yourself of the chance to enjoy yourself being yourself. And, even worse by adjusting your behaviour to what you think is expected of you fit in with the wrong people. People who are good at adaption can fit in in almost any crowd. As great as this can be it is a huge danger. Persons that like you when you show them what you think they want to see are probably people that think different from you and you will never be able to fully sync with them. By being yourself you might not fit in and a lot of people might not like you. But the people who do like you are much more likely to contribute to your happiness just as you are more likely to contribute to theirs.